Have not updated this thing for a long time.have a lot to say.as usual..........this entry is going to be really long so please, dont bother reading it.
As u all know, u16 training has begun, and it is not that bad for me for I am not in the u15, the team that is going for the milo cup in malaysia on the 4th-15th december.That is very near and I wish them the best. I can't foretel how far they'd go, but I know it is a team where every player counts, and I believe in Nordin and that he will bring out the best in each and everyone of them.I wish I could join them, just like I wish so many things. But I am not cos I am already 16. Tough. Training is every day, beep test every week, except saturdays and sundays.However I got to attend school trainings on saturday.
As for my life in other aspects, I do not know. I guess they are fine. Been trying to do a bit of work. Not really working but I am trying. I realise how by the time I come back -if i go- from Kuala Lumpur, school would be around the corner and all by shadows would come back to haunt me. Maths and physics. Yes I am a nerd, constantly afraid of things like academics.
Anyway. Been thinking about post-secondary education. Also, is everything we do necessarily for a purpose? Shitting is to get rid of waste, to walk you always have a destination, to study??to go where??and why??
Why am I playing hockey?I am not planning to be a professional hockey player. am i? I am not planning to use it to get a scholarship in JC, because I do not believe I am good enough. I do not know if I wanna be good enough. National Woman's team. Is that my aim?
I been thinking also about going to polytechnic. But,something tugs at me. I guess is pride, so what, im in crescentgirls' do i have to be so proud?I guess so, we are made to think we are amongst the top, meant for JC anyone who does not make it, is a failure unless they top the poly as well. Of course there are exceptions, do they look at that?sure, to encourage you, but would they tell their children to go poly?most likely not.Most likely they would be paying tuition fees, paying for their education so that they can go to a JC. Join the top percentage in singapore. From there, join the white collar work force, the social gatherings of the educated.Educated in what? They have a degree.In what?life?maybe. Maybe not. Some work so hard in their life to get out of their social status, to upgrade. Ok. How about the rest? they just sail through life because their parents can afford to. They just want to climb that ladder higher and higher. Where does polytechnice take you in singapore?to work for those people. Not because they are smarter, but because they chose the safe way, they could afford to, they were driven to. We have the exceptions but most of us are normal. We would be forever the middle class. Unless we go JC. Unless u are so determinded to climb up. What's in it for us? a boost in pride? more money?bigger houses? more recognition? 'better' friends? i am not making much sense to myself.
We are told so many contradictions
"follow your heart" vs. "make the right choice!"
"do not care about what people think" vs. "why you doing that?"
"do not regret anything you do" vs. "think carefully,you will regret for the rest of your life"
Where you want to go? oh JC lor. Oh that's nice, what you planing to do after that. I dont know, go uni lor. And what you going to study there?. Erm not sure. see how.
Talking seriously now. Maybe I ought to stick with it. I have studied so hard, expecting to go JC. Maybe I'll stick to it. Go JC,.do arts go uni do arts then do film. A very long way. A wrong way? A right way? I do not know. I do not know anything. what was the name of that french director? what if by then, i lost opportunities. lost years. for what.just to go jc. and also, in the arts indusrty nobody cares about your papers. do they?do they?do they?